From the Blooper Book

We continue to review applications and wonder if these candidates are being completely serious or just being funny.

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations?

(Checked yes) I was caught stealing in my last job but it was just a big misunderstanding.

While scheduling an occupational health exam: 

Is it ok if I abstain from taking the medical for the job?

While scheduling a drug test:

From the Blooper Book

This year, we’re taking a closer look at job applications and the things we find will make you laugh and cry; but mostly laugh.

Experience listed on an application:

Worked at a daycare center for community service hours.

Experience listed on an application:

Former marijuana smuggler.

Award listed on an application:

Won Puletsur Prize and donated it to charity.

Education listed on an application:

From the Blooper Book

This year, we’re taking a closer look at job applications and the things we find will make you laugh and cry; but mostly laugh.

Personal reference listed on an application:

Do you accept accomplices?

Personal reference listed on an application:

EBay feedback, Wikipedia.com, The Farmer’s Almanac.

Personal reference listed on an application:

From the Blooper Book

As we continue to look at some of these job applications, we can’t help but wonder how some of these job applicants got a job in the first place.

Reason for Termination:

Sharing proprietary information with competitor; young blondes; “Good behavior. They cut two months off the sentence.”; Maturity leave.

Job Titles listed on application:

Assistant chef for 15-20 years in a state facility; uninformed security guard; blue-color worker; plumbing and hating specialist; Prisoner.

Experience listed on applications:

From the Blooper Book

If Ban the Box legislation has not been implemented in your region, some of these answers may have you reconsidering using such questions on your application:

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations?

(Checked yes) Forged a signature on a campaign contribution form.

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations?

(Checked no) Do I have to answer this question? I don’t normally share that type of information until the second date.

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations?

From the Blooper Book

This month, we have several more additions to how candidates fill out those applications and résumé, which really makes us wonder, “What were they thinking?”

Achievements listed on resume:

Voted “Most Chivalrous” in class
7^th grade; GPA 34.0
”I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year”.

Experience listed on applications:

Bi-lingual in 3 languages
Saved my workplace from a bomb blast
Repaired bad roads and defective brides
Wrapping gifts at the hospital.

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations?

From the Blooper Book

Each month, Aurico brings you highlights from the best candidates, the brightest candidates, and these candidates, leaving us all to think “Well, that’s ONE way to fill out a résumé”

He’s working up the courage to ask out the Spreadsheet Queen:

Job Title: “Homecoming King”

I notice the details, I just don’t correct them when they’re wrong:

Please list any special skills you may have which would be helpful in considering your employment: “Ecxellent attention to detail.”

Is this the San Francisco campus, or the satellite branch near Jupiter?

From the Blooper Book

Let’s take a break from the action and look at some job applications where, through good intentions or bad grammar, some candidates just missed the mark:

Tell us how you really feel:

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations? (Checked no) “I’ve never heard such a stupid question.”

In that case, we’ll just forget this ever happened:

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations? (Checked no) “I told the employer they don’t need to do a background check on me.”

Better than looking at the floor, I suppose:

From the Blooper Book

We’d like to thank those candidates who, for whatever reason, may not have been thinking when it came time to their job application. This wouldn’t be possible without you:

On the plus side, nobody had to worry about awkward small talk for the rest of the night:

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations? (Checked yes) “Yes. At a party, I drove my SUV into a swimming pool. Unfortunately, there were guests swimming in it.”

I think he should be introduced to Ms. Take:

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations? (Checked yes) “Yes. A Mr. Meanor.”

Can any of us really say otherwise?

From the Blooper Book

We pause for a moment to reflect on the inane, the odd, and the downright silly that we come across in candidates' job applications:

Don’t worry, we’re confused, too:

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations? (Checked yes)

If yes, describe in full: “I’m confused here, I was charged for selling stolen property that i didn’t know was stolen.  I help to get the this back.”

“It told me to STOP.  I don’t like being told to stop.”

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations? (Checked yes)

If yes, describe in full: “Theft of a street sign”

Rugby: Illegal in America since 1887!

From the Blooper Book

We pause for a moment to reflect on the inane, the odd, and the downright silly that we come across in candidates’ job applications:

So you’re saying you’ll work for free…?

What is the minimum base salary or wage you must be offered to accept employment? “Whatever I’m blessed to receive!”

With his handle on cutting-edge technology, our company is sure to succeed!

Please list any special skills you may have which would be helpful in considering your employment: “Windows ’95, Windows ’98, electronic “e-mail”, the world wide web”

“Officer, I’m sure you’ve heard this a hundred times, but she really IS going into labor…”

From the Blooper Book

It’s time once again to examine those candidates’ job applications that beg for explanations.  Here are a few recent items that crossed our desk:

I’m pretty sure they teach you not to do this in school…

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations? (Checked yes)
If yes, describe in full: “Burglary, When I was 18 I skiped school and got drunk and walked into someone else’s garage.”

It’s good to know you have career aspirations:

What interested you in joining [Nationwide Restaurant Chain]? “I want to work in a job that I know isn’t going anywhere.”

This is probably over-sharing:

Reason for leaving: “Had to quit to cash 401k to pay off bookie”

Just tell me where to apply:

Position held at previous employer: “Miracle Spirit”

This is better than his other reference, E.T.

Reference “Ed Jones”                                             

Title: “Human”

I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking ‘Hired!’

Please list any special skills you may have which would be helpful in considering your employment: “Fan of music & theatre, Ambidexterous, Professional English accent imitator, Master of beer-pong”

From the Blooper Book

Every month we endeavor to highlight the weird, the odd, and the bizarre responses from recent applications.  Here are a few that have crossed our desk:

It sounds like you really enjoyed this job:

Summarize the nature of work performed and job responsibilities:

“the Ability to stand 8 hours a day pack corn dog 3 boxes within a min.”

This job may be radioactive!

Summarize the nature of work performed and job responsibilities:

“Call me sunshine I glow all day”

It couldn’t hurt, right?

From the Blooper Book

Some make us laugh, some make us sigh, but all of them make us wonder, “What were they thinking?!”  Here are a few items we’ve found on recent applications:

I always got great reviews:

On past employment history: Immediate Supervisor: “Myself” Supervisor Title: “Conscience”

Trust me, you don’t want to hear what they have to say:

Please list your previous employers: “I know at leaset four or more are usualy required for past employee history but none are relavant to u my reader”

Perhaps I need to clarify what “special” means…

From the Blooper Book

Whether it’s some over-enthusiastic references or confused candidates, Aurico has a steady supply of moments to make you chuckle.  Here are a few recent items:

Strangely, not a felony

From a job application:

Job Title & Duties: Cashier, sweep, mop, stalk shelves

A good change… a good change…

From the Blooper Book

Each month, we try to bring you the best of the best reports for your enjoyment – or in some cases, the worst of the worst.

Some job applications reveal a versatile applicant pool:

Job Title: “Janitor/Web Design Combo”

The job was rough, but it made for a great icebreaker at parties.

Job Title: “Cow Pusher”

From the Blooper Book

Sometimes you have to wonder what they were really thinking about when they gave those references.

If you could sum him up, what would you say?

“I don’t know?  I’ve never been asked that about him before.  He is good a fishing, likes Doritos, and throws a great curve ball.”

What would you consider to be some of his strengths?

“If I was in an alley fight, I would want him next to me.  I would know what I would get from him.”

From the Blooper Book

They say ‘honesty is the best policy’, but these applicants have us questioning that philosophy.  Here is the latest installment of real responses we’ve seen on job applications.

This should clear things up:

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past ten years, other than minor traffic violations? (checked yes)
If yes, describe in full: “Had Many Problems During a very difficult Time.  Which is and had been in the past.”

You’re not going to press charges, are you?

From the Blooper Book

Calling for references on applicants can be a challenging task – just take a look at some of the calls we’ve made recently.

Business Reference: “I highly recommend him.  He is funny.”

Business Reference: “He is not going to like this, but he is like a Golden Retriever, loyal and dedicated.”

Business Reference: “His strengths?  He is strong.  His weaknesses?  That’s about all he is.”

Business Reference: “He’d always show up on time, but I had to fire him that day he forgot his pants.”

Business Reference: “Oh, I’d hire him back in a minute, as long as he returns that DVD of ‘Dallas’ that he borrowed.”

From the Blooper Book

Job applications, résumés, court documents – every once in a while, we have some that make you scratch your head.   Take a look at a few applicants who didn’t think things through, as well as a quirky attorney and court clerk with typing issues.

Well, that’s what I always call him:

Supervisor’s Name: John Phillips

Supervisor’s Title: Mr.