From the Blooper Book

It’s time once again to examine those candidates’ job applications that beg for explanations.  Here are a few recent items that crossed our desk:

I’m pretty sure they teach you not to do this in school…

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations? (Checked yes)
If yes, describe in full: “Burglary, When I was 18 I skiped school and got drunk and walked into someone else’s garage.”

It’s good to know you have career aspirations:

What interested you in joining [Nationwide Restaurant Chain]? “I want to work in a job that I know isn’t going anywhere.”

This is probably over-sharing:

Reason for leaving: “Had to quit to cash 401k to pay off bookie”

Just tell me where to apply:

Position held at previous employer: “Miracle Spirit”

This is better than his other reference, E.T.

Reference “Ed Jones”                                             

Title: “Human”

I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking ‘Hired!’

Please list any special skills you may have which would be helpful in considering your employment: “Fan of music & theatre, Ambidexterous, Professional English accent imitator, Master of beer-pong”