From the Blooper Book

We pause for a moment to reflect on the inane, the odd, and the downright silly that we come across in candidates' job applications:

Don’t worry, we’re confused, too:

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations? (Checked yes)

If yes, describe in full: “I’m confused here, I was charged for selling stolen property that i didn’t know was stolen.  I help to get the this back.”

“It told me to STOP.  I don’t like being told to stop.”

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations? (Checked yes)

If yes, describe in full: “Theft of a street sign”

Rugby: Illegal in America since 1887!

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations? (Checked yes)

If yes, describe in full: “2 misdemeanors when I was way younger playing rugby”

Lesson learned: don’t mess with the public library:

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations? (Checked yes)

If yes, describe in full: “2 Counts of Failure to Return Books”

Soon to be a basic-cable original movie:

Have you been convicted of a crime in the past seven years, other than minor traffic violations? (Checked yes)

If yes, describe in full: “A car was STOLEN with Keys From my house and was used to jump over A Building and landed on a squad car. The thief Later changed his gender and eluded Police”

And finally, the inevitable sequel to that basic cable movie:

Please list any special skills you may have which would be helpful in considering your employment: “Survived two hurricanes, a robbery/murder turned international manhunt, a six-alarm church fire, the President’s visit to town and more.”